The Conservative Friend
An Outreach of Ohio Yearly Meeting of Friends
Learning to Have a Forgiving Heart.
Shane Moad is an Affiliate Member of
Rockingham Monthly Meeting, Ohio Yearly Meeting. He attends
Beverley Friends Meeting in Western Australia. This essay
appeared in the November 2005 issue of The Conservative Friend
newsletter.
Back to OYM Publications Page
So many times in my life since becoming a Christian I have been put in the position of forgiving others or being forgiven by others. Neither of these two parts of forgiveness is easy to do and for a long time I was at a loss to understand why. When Jesus forgave people He just seemed to accept the fact that what had happened was now over and a new beginning to the relationship had started. Then He got on with the things around Him. When I forgave people I tried to get on with things around me but in my mind what they had done to offend me would often crop up in my thoughts. And as I went over and over on the "great wrongs" they had caused me my love for them started to cool and then my anger towards them grew, and here I was again back to square one! What was I doing wrong? Then one day not to long ago our Creator finally got through to me: my PRIDE was getting in the way.
When I forgave someone, I was expecting satisfaction or pampering of my ego. Forgiveness was about how good I could feel and how nice the other person may think I am. So in the end it was about SELF and PRIDE, two traits that don’t work well with true forgiveness. I also thought that when you forgave someone they would not do that same thing again. Wrong: people often fall into the same sin again.
When we think about these ideas, we see what a truly forgiving God we have. He tells us He throws our sins as far as the East is from the West and we start a clean slate. He is not limited by PRIDE and SELF. He puts the one He is forgiving first, knowing that the sin He has forgiven could happen again. We see therefore that forgiveness is an ongoing process. With His forgiving He has become completely giving, not expecting any form of praise for Himself but just offering His whole self to the needs of His people. Now that’s forgiveness!
We as Friends need to understand that Jesus’ forgiveness is freely given, and that we need to forgive just as freely as Christ does. We should expect nothing in return. If we are waiting for something in return, we are forgiving for all the wrong reasons.
When Jesus forgave someone He also said, "Sin no more". (e.g., John 8:11) It is important for us all to remember that there is an obligation on our part before the Lord that we should not sin again. When Jesus healed the man at the pool in Bethesda he said, "See, you have been made well. Sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you." (John 5:14) We should never think that we have the freedom to keep on committing the same sin over and over again just because we know the Lord will forgive us. His forgiveness is given to a repentant heart, one that is trying not to fall into that same sin again.
Although some people feel reconciliation comes before forgiveness, I have found that reconciliation can only happen when the forgiving process has been put into action. If we cannot forgive the person, then it will be all but impossible to be reconciled with them. After the forgiving has started, then reconciliation should follow. If the other party is not open to reconciliation at that time, the only thing we can do is to forgive the person the things we feel they have done to us and pray that in the future an opportunity for reconciliation will present itself .We have the Lord as our example. In addition He has also given us the gift of the Holy Spirit, who will mould our spirits to have a more forgiving nature.
The process of forgiveness is well laid out in the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:18-35). That story shows just how important forgiveness is to a Christian’s walk with the Lord, as well as the problems and consequences of an unforgiving heart. It is very easy to talk about forgiveness but a lot harder to do, if we do not strive to walk in the nature of Christ. My prayer is that we can all learn to have the forgiving spirit that Christ has.
Back to OYM Publications Page
So many times in my life since becoming a Christian I have been put in the position of forgiving others or being forgiven by others. Neither of these two parts of forgiveness is easy to do and for a long time I was at a loss to understand why. When Jesus forgave people He just seemed to accept the fact that what had happened was now over and a new beginning to the relationship had started. Then He got on with the things around Him. When I forgave people I tried to get on with things around me but in my mind what they had done to offend me would often crop up in my thoughts. And as I went over and over on the "great wrongs" they had caused me my love for them started to cool and then my anger towards them grew, and here I was again back to square one! What was I doing wrong? Then one day not to long ago our Creator finally got through to me: my PRIDE was getting in the way.
When I forgave someone, I was expecting satisfaction or pampering of my ego. Forgiveness was about how good I could feel and how nice the other person may think I am. So in the end it was about SELF and PRIDE, two traits that don’t work well with true forgiveness. I also thought that when you forgave someone they would not do that same thing again. Wrong: people often fall into the same sin again.
When we think about these ideas, we see what a truly forgiving God we have. He tells us He throws our sins as far as the East is from the West and we start a clean slate. He is not limited by PRIDE and SELF. He puts the one He is forgiving first, knowing that the sin He has forgiven could happen again. We see therefore that forgiveness is an ongoing process. With His forgiving He has become completely giving, not expecting any form of praise for Himself but just offering His whole self to the needs of His people. Now that’s forgiveness!
We as Friends need to understand that Jesus’ forgiveness is freely given, and that we need to forgive just as freely as Christ does. We should expect nothing in return. If we are waiting for something in return, we are forgiving for all the wrong reasons.
When Jesus forgave someone He also said, "Sin no more". (e.g., John 8:11) It is important for us all to remember that there is an obligation on our part before the Lord that we should not sin again. When Jesus healed the man at the pool in Bethesda he said, "See, you have been made well. Sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you." (John 5:14) We should never think that we have the freedom to keep on committing the same sin over and over again just because we know the Lord will forgive us. His forgiveness is given to a repentant heart, one that is trying not to fall into that same sin again.
Although some people feel reconciliation comes before forgiveness, I have found that reconciliation can only happen when the forgiving process has been put into action. If we cannot forgive the person, then it will be all but impossible to be reconciled with them. After the forgiving has started, then reconciliation should follow. If the other party is not open to reconciliation at that time, the only thing we can do is to forgive the person the things we feel they have done to us and pray that in the future an opportunity for reconciliation will present itself .We have the Lord as our example. In addition He has also given us the gift of the Holy Spirit, who will mould our spirits to have a more forgiving nature.
The process of forgiveness is well laid out in the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:18-35). That story shows just how important forgiveness is to a Christian’s walk with the Lord, as well as the problems and consequences of an unforgiving heart. It is very easy to talk about forgiveness but a lot harder to do, if we do not strive to walk in the nature of Christ. My prayer is that we can all learn to have the forgiving spirit that Christ has.
